5-16-03
Look we got interviewed by ITALY! Go to www.movimenta.com then look at the Intrevista section. That means Interview. There we are! Use www.altavista.com's translator if you're having trouble.
5-4-03
This is a fuck ton of news, if you don't want to read all of it, at least read 1 and 2. Those of you with ADD may want to consider a 5 minute break of doing something you consider "fun" but not "strenuous" in the middle of this update about 3 paragraphs in. Maybe get a snack or something.
1. We are looking for a drummer. J. KRU has happily been a part of this band since its inception but as time spins its yarn he has found his priorities changing. Anyway, we love J KRU and appreciate all the times he has protected us on the streets, for that shit we will always have his back, and shit, but now we need a drummer. He is going to play with us until/if we find a new drummer, but if you want the job we are taking applications. Requirements for our drummer and how to get in touch will be at the end of this.
2. Our full length is coming out, like now. It should be out around July 1, and who is the lucky label who we have made feel guilty and obligated enough to release this album? Natural Resistance Records! Actually, they are doing the LP exclusively and we're going to split release the CD with them and our label which we haven't made up yet. The album will be available online with Revelation, some other distros like No Idea, City of Hell, through mailorder from them or us, and at stores. If stores don't have it you can request it through Sound Idea and they can order it.
3. Meshuggah shook David to his core, and 2 days later made my life complete with New Millenium Cyanide Christ.
4. Mordor sent me their new song and it is THE ULTIMATE. I am going to release their demo on our label if they let me.
5. Our new shirt design has been going fast, there are only 3 smalls left, I want to make a new design before our next show, so buy a shirt if you want one, go to the merch section, it's easy.
6. Scott McGibbon, you did the right thing.
7. I updated the links and merch sort of.
Ok, so here is what to do if you want to be our drummer. Live in Southern California, be able to tour this summer, be nice, be committed to the band, not smoke, be really good, have your own shit, have transportation, hit hard, and rock out. Here is what you get if you are our drummer: totally straight blow jobs (watching NASCAR after). Also you get to tour the whole US this summer and Canada for a month or longer if you want, and sometime soon Europe and possibly Japan one day.
So if you think you have what it takes email us (horsetheband@angelfire.com) and we'll send you a demo and if you're still into it we're having tryouts at the end of May and the middle of June. Also, go to www.mp3.com/horsetheband and see if you can play Purple before you even ask. Like, actually sit down at your set and play along to it, and if you can do it and understand its intricacies then email us. OK SUPER
4-22-03
Scott McGibbon,
You have made a fatal error. Your merchandise order is incomplete. Email me your t-shirt size. horsetheband@angelfire.com Or I will send you an extra large because your handwriting makes you seem sloppy and fat as fuck.
Sincerely,
Customer Service Department
4-10-03
News from Nathan:
Andy horses beloved bass player has decided on a radically new path in life. He feels that god meant for him to be a woman so he has begun the year long process of living the life of a transexual so that we can get medical approval for a sex change. He will now be refered to as Amanda and treated as a woman at all times. Once a month we are going to stab him in the balls and let him bleed a little bit just so he can get into it.
also,
Dave isen the beloved guitar player of Horse is going to open his own fast food chain later this summer. He found that by using body grease for his fries and bugers he could cut costs in HALF!!!!!! That means bigger profits and better recording for HORSE the band.
finally,
Jason Karuza horses drum officer will be taking a decade long hiatus to travel to central china where he is going to study easten religion and erotic massage techniques. I dont know why hes doing it, amanda stokes says his massages are quite erotic enough already.
Here is a quote from amanda......
"His fingers are spirited and full of life. He firms me up and then works me down to a devastating melting point. Under the guidance of J. Kru (jason street name) i have learned to tap into my inner resevoir of pleasure and sensuality which i havent felt anything akin to since my middle school english teachers 'special projects'."
oh, I almost forgot to tell you. Erik Engstrom is looking into opening a venue in the seedy underbelly of orange county tentativly called 'The Octo-rock". Bands will play there with dildos in thier mouths. Erik was testing this new form of dildo mouth rock the other day but unfortunately the dildo he used wasnt clean and he got tonsilitis. poor guy. Our hearts go out to you.
I guess that leaves just me. I just woke up with a hangover on my garage floor with a plastic bag over my head and my hand covered in motor oil.
IM not sure what that means.
OK,
im outta here and this has been a HORSE the band update.
see ya you sluts.
4-6-03
AAAAaaaaagahahhh we are back. Actually we've been back for a really long time, but I got tonsilitis. We played 2 shows in Utah and Las Vegas with Bleeding Kansas and Mordor and learned a lot about polygamists, Robbie's fertile loins, and friendship. No, it was so fun, probably more fun than most of you average people out there that aren't in bands will EVER have in your life. You know how you read band's websites and they talk about all the bands they are friends with and put up the pictures of all the people in the bands doing silly poses and they are a little exclusive little group of fun having fun with eachother with their fucking inside jokes and all of their pictures and stupid little stories, yeah well we are one of those fucking bands now!!!
Just kidding man. But Bleeding Kansas blew us away every night, Mordor is getting more amazing by the minute, they just recorded a demo so check it out at www.mordormusic.tk. The show with Cattle Decapitation was so fun. If you ever get the chance to see them, even if you've never heard them or know nothing about them, just go, you will love it no matter what kind of music you like. They have the best screamer ever. Taken played 2 new songs that made me very, very excited.
As for us, some things might be changing. We won't be playing much until the summer. We're going to get the new recording out hopefully within the next month and a half too. We only have a few shirts left in some sizes of the new design, so email me if you want one. OK bye.
3-17-03
Our new buttons came in, there are 4 kinds of those. Also we're playing another show March 29 with this band called "Taken". How gay. They probably suck shit... Check the shows section dummy.
3-14-03
This morning when I was waking up I had this crazy dream, me and Ali and Mana were in this lecture hall, like the kind with the chalkboards that go up really high and behind themselves, usually for math classes, this one was huge though. The chalkboard was at least 5 stories and we were sitting in the back row and were so high that we were above it. I looked down on the room and thought about its massive space. As I realized it was one of my last times in a lecture hall with very tall chalkboards I shed a tear, for it was an incomprehensibly magnificent structure.
Our class ended with a quiz and when we were done our professor did what he was famous for, what we had only heard rumors of... our anticipation grew. Moving the chalkboards, he unveiled a huge wall that was a moving piano-type instrument, also 5 stories tall, separated into 8 columns. Each column was the width of one standard piano and contained hundreds of rows of full sets piano keys, all on top of each other, so that each column had probably 300 sets of piano keys from floor to ceiling. On the keys were holes to hold on to so you didn't fall off the piano when you played it. Each set of piano keys was offset by a very small fraction of a Hz, so that in the 8 columns and hundreds of sets of pianos hundreds of thousands of precise frequencies were available to be played. I realized this was the most amazing instrument ever created, and to play it one must have tremendous upper body strength and navigate it like a spider in his web. The potential emotional impact that could be brought out of this instrument was immeasurable, I realized, as each column began to cycle upwards at different speeds, like the conveyor belts in the checkout line at a grocery store. Even more sets of piano keys had been hidden behind the wall I saw as they spun into view and then out of site again.
Our professor had turned on the instrument, and began to play "Everything I Do, I Do it For You" by Bryan Adams. He darted and jumped from chord to chord and shimmied across the piano columns, playing each note not only to play the song, but so that he would not fall off the wall of piano. It was the most beautiful rendition of any song I have ever heard. The students were beside themselves. He played chords backwards, jumping deftly from column to column, swivelling so that his back was to the piano as he held onto the notes facing us and then flipping back onto another column landing perfectly on the correct keys.
He was near the top of a column when the pause before the solo came. I realized the 3 notes he had to play were on the column he was on, but if he waited too long he might be crushed as the keys reached the top mechanism and where turned around for the journey down the back of the instrument. He disappeared momentarily into the bowels of the machine, I heard the perfect timing - "doooo dee doo" - and he scrambled out back into sight, continuing the solo magnificently further down the column, choosing his notes expertly by varying fractions of Hz for maximum emotional impact.
He finished the song at the top left of the piano and now was the time for his finale, perhaps his most daring feat yet. He jumped and grabbed onto a pulley swingline in the top corner of the room and began to descend towards the floor. A ledge was set up with three empty glass bottles of Pepsi so that the pulley passed directly over them. As he passed the bottles, he hung his forehead down and smashed all three! A glorious trick. As he neared the floor, more Pepsi bottles had been glued to a longer ledge also directly under his path. Only these Pepsi bottles had been broken in previous years, with their shards pointing upward. He avoided them all by just fractions of an inch and landed perfectly in a human size transparent blue plastic punch bowl. We erupted in wild applause for our Computer Science professor.
Incidentally he was the old Firebug of Gotham City who recently sold his costume to a yuppy who was caught in this month's Gotham Central, which I read right before I went to sleep.
3-10-03
Hey I gave myself a concussion at our show on Friday. Oops. Nathan threw up all over the floor too. Check out the PICS in the media section. The demos have gotten some responses already but we're going to wait a little bit longer and see what else happens.
We got some new shirts in. If you are into light green and girls email us for them. All sizes are IN STOCK! Also, for all of you fat and/or black people out there, I ordered 6 XL's. This is a first in HORSE the band history, so you better snatch those up soon. I think all the details are ironed out for our upcoming shows now, so check the shows section.
In other news, 2 members of HORSE the band and 2 members of Bleeding Kansas made the news on the WB the other night as they stared at Raelian women's breasts as they read a prayer of anti-war femininity.
3-2-03
HI. There is a big pile of demos on my floor. I am sending them Monday. They are going to 34 labels. If no one wants to put out our record we are going to commit ritualistic suicide.
Also, we have a show March 7th. Don't forget about it.
2-17-03
If you live in California, Nevada, or Utah, you are going to get PUMPED UP. After just 89 days, we will make our return to Chain Reaction for another performace, with the mighty CATTLE DECAPITATION. Other cloven-hoofed animal-themed bands will be added shortly. We're also playing again in Las Vegas, and a show in St George, Utah. AND the show in Ventura at Skate Street, MF. Check the shows section. BRB
2-16-03
pg 99 broke up. :(
2-6-03
Hey dummies I'm going back to Lake Forest, California for the weekend. We're supposedly mixing for 12 hours tomorrow. That may or may not result in the completion of our recording, but probably it will, which means, soon, Cutsman will be up an mp3.com, a song which boasts the happiest breakdown ever created, which will be released in conjunction with the most violent/manic/hedonistic music video ever filmed. We are getting very big.
Also, we have a show with Bleeding Kansas and Uphill Battle March 7th, check the shows section. YAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!
The split 7" with Bleeding Kansas will definitely be out before R. Borlax, both of which will be COMPLETE SHIT, we are aiming for March 23rd. I have to go now.
2-3-03
I updated the media section. I updated the lyrics too. They are IN the media section. The media section has thumbnails and new pictures. The lyrics have all the lyrics to the songs on R. Borlax, you can memorize them before you even hear the songs. I think I will have a video on here by the end of the week.
I hope you all have a fantastic day.
1-17-03
"Purple" from "R. Borlax" is now on our mp3.com page.
1-16-03
Some of you may not know, but the Kangarooster disappeared over 7 months ago, into thin air, in his coop, while we were smoking crack with him, and playing Xbox, I mean, 8 bit Nintendo. 3 days ago he came back and feels ready to start updating his portion of this website again. So he did, with things he found in a journey through time. Also, the part about chill bros and peace out and all the herb and us being called HORSE the band cause we're "on the horse" and all that stuff from the last post, was entirely true. Please don't be mistaken.
MMMmmm, we're still mixing our cd, we needed a little more time than expected. Anyway, it should be done within the month. We're waiting for approval on mp3.com for a rough track, so keep checking back there. Also, we're setting up two neat shows in July with a very good band from very far away and most likely Bleeding Kansas, even though they don't know about it yet.
1-6-03
Yo bitch HTB has been smokin' massive laid-back bowls full of herb and just chillin' with our dogs and sistahs to bring in the Y2K3000, motherfucker! Here is our real news. We were just in the recording studio for 40 hours recording our full length. We did 12 full songs, and will probably have 13 or 14 tracks on our full length and some other neat stuff. 1 of the songs we recorded will be exclusive to our split 7" that we are doing with Bleeding Kansas. Our full length is called "R. Borlax" and it is a work of genius. We don't "hope you like it" or any of that shit. If you don't shit your pants while you're dancing like you fell down a flight of stairs while getting electrocuted to this album you are a fucking retard and you can stop reading this now. Anyway, we'll put up a couple of new songs from that after Thursday, which is when we are mixing and mastering. Also I will keep you posted about a release date. Oh, also, we're still looking for a US label to release the full-length if they want to. Probably we'll send out a few copies to a few appropriate labels, but if you happen to be an A&R guy for Kung Fu Records, hit us up dude!!!!!!!!!! And we're still waiting for A FUCKING CONTRACT FROM OUR FRIENDLY BELGIAN HARDCORE LABEL, GOODLIFE RECORDINGS, ED!!@!!!!
With that said, this winter break we kicked a lot of girls in the vagina in a lot of different places. Vegas was killer as always, I heard more people showed up to our show at the Skillet Cafe than that Orange County scene-transplant fest in Vegas a few days ago. HAHAHAHA. Jason Karuza our drummer scored 2 sluts (1 anal, way to go), it was 34 degrees outside, and a police chase ended with a spike strip being thrown right in front of the window where I was sitting at the table where they filmed Julia Roberts in the Mexican. And the Chain Reaction show sold out, neat.
To make matters worse, we have 1 hat left and 7 shirts. All of those shirts are Youth M size, either because more guys like us than girls, or all of are girl fans are too fucking fat. What the fuck?! I am leaning toward the second possibility being true, but I don't know for sure. One thing is for sure, girls these days are too fucking fat. Slutty girls especially... There is nothing worse than a fat slut. Demos and pins are also gone. Email me if you want some of that stuff.
Finally, I got shingles. You can look up what that is on the Internet. It is a very bad disease that gives you chickenpox and cramps and shotting pains. I think it is going away now though finally. Email us if you have any questions.
12-14-02
We're playing in Vegas Friday, December 20th, almost for free!!!! If you live there check the shows section. You give us a donation and get free drinks. Also, after this round of shows, most likely we won't be playing again until June, except for probably one free show in the Bay Area which I will talk about later. OK bye
12-7-02
Here's a surprise for you, today!! I will leave this up for the next week. It's a live recording of "In the Wake of the Bunt" from Waterbury, Connecticut. If you don't have the regular version of that song, it's out there somewhere on the Internet. This is off a video camera, the format is mpa, which is like an mp3 but it plays in media player for some reason. It isn't a video though. The mic is overloaded but it still sounds very neat. This is a good example of the aural pile-up of our shows. Anyway, here you go, In the Wake of the Bunt Live.
12-3-02
The shows keep rolling in like 15 year old Indian dick. Check the section about shows.
12-2-02
Well right when you think your life couldn't get any worse, you get a show at Chain Reaction! December 30th with As Hope Dies, Matoe, the Mistake, and the Confession. We open I think, and don't forget to pack heat at this show.
12-2-02
YO! We're playing at the Showcase Dec. 18th with Harkonen, What Lies Within, and a Musicbox Serenade. We never play shows. So you should go to this one. It's possible we will play a show in San Diego and in LA too over Winter Break. Keep checking.
We had practice with Andy over Thanksgiving and he is a good bass player. We wrote 2 new songs. That should make some other bands (like Taken) embarassed for taking 2 months to write 2 songs. It only takes like 3 hours per song. Shit. That brings our total to 9 for the full length. We're going to write probably at least 4 more, and have one exclusive track on the 7" and 1 from the full length. So 12 songs on the CD. The new songs are called "Pol's Voice" and "Stabbers of the Knife by Kenny Pelts". The lyrics to those are somewhere in the bowels of our message board.
I'm going to convert our video to mpeg this week. Goodbye.
11-15-02
THE FUCKING TOUR JOURNAL IS UP IN THE FUCKING MEDIA SECTION. SHIIIIIIIIIIIT!
Older News that is funny.