If the scientist were able to give a simple vitamin supplement to the chimps, one that would allow them to tone down their horrifying physical appearance, increase their fitness level to excellent, and perhaps even stimulate their meager intellect, perhaps he could at rare moments find some sort of camaraderie with the cretins, slurring theories and opinions of the quality of current critically acclaimed television series down at the local watering hole, or ephemerally sharing photographs of their genitals in the nighttime. Why, then, would he not? And why too would we - the handsome scientist without peer - not create our own line of vitamin supplements, to try to bring you - the miserable chimp figuratively eating its own faeces in the virtual world it has chosen to exist in rather than basking in the sensations of the dark notion of carnal and corporeal life - a bit closer to "the top"?
Please join us on our first tour of the United States in over 4 years. We will be selling Vitamin B3 - aka NIACIN - the first offering in our new dietary supplement line. Joining us for this meticulously planned marketing excursion to the most unhealthy and niacin-deprived metropolitan areas in the country will be fellow connoisseurs of nomenclature, Math the band, and our charming future friends, Octaves.
Please find the routing below (with ticket links!) and be sure to buy tickets in advance, since we will most likely not tour in the US again until it is officially designated a third world country.
Aug 8 - Sidebar, Baltimore, MD
Aug 9 - Marlin Room at Webster Hall, New York, NY
Aug 10 - The Barbary, Philadelphia, PA
Aug 11 - Amityville Music Hall, Amityville, NY
Aug 12 - Middle East, Boston, MA
Aug 13 - Webster Underground, Hartford, CT
Aug 14 - Cattivo, Pittsburgh, PA
Aug 15 - Grog Shop, Cleveland, OH
Aug 16 - Mac's Bar, Lansing, MI
Aug 17 - Beat Kitchen, Chicago, IL
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